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12 agosto my saddest night ever.... today all my feelings came flushing out of the whole in my heart. the physical scars left in bell's hands tell me how much you both loved each other. i don't want to stand in your way. i am just a stone on the ground. step on me and just walk over me. the little eye contact i had with you was sparkling hurting sorrowful. its enough, i have hurt myself well. i could have just died the day i was to be born when that stupid cord stuck onto my neck, which i miraculously survived then later the "katti" in my chin which i survived when i was just a 3months old baby. my mom doesn't know how much i love her. my dad never understands me and my expectations. i was never loved. my cousins jokingly criticizes me. love was never written in my life. sukie i feel regretful and remorseful and guilty. i knew him for 8years and i just forgot him why wouldnt forget narein? teenage attraction is not love. when will i understand that? being the only child doesnt mean luxury or alot of money. i am the most understanding teenage girl ever lived i never pester my parents for something very expensive. if they dont have money i will let go of my wishes and give my allowance and pocket money which i saved hardworkingly but then nobody appreciates that side of me.i always wanted siblings but never had one. always always always jealousy replaces my sadness. i am nice but i am sad every second of my life i spend . i am just enduring adding onto pain. each and everytime belinda asks me "do you still like narein?" a wave emotions never fails to run through me! i am so hurt, i cant cry scream or just tell someone abt it. its hard to forget its hard to remember its hard to endure it! do you hate me so much?(i know the answer narein) 100% i will never get you its fantasy dream it will always vanish once i wake up! i know it for sure! but hope, dream, can never come true is it? wishes/ do come true don't they? love a four letter word that never will enter my life nor leave my heart! the rain that cries with me is no more. all that is left is the wind that carries your your scent. my eyes only see you. your stare kills me. i hate torturing you!but it cannot be helped. i will try my best to help you, my love is 100% true but only the cries heard is left to abuse my love to be a lie. i hate you but for never failing to care for me. scold me! scold me! narein scold me! tell me to leave you! tell me to hate you! tell me my love is stupid! i just want to cry alll my life. cause i hate myself so much! nobody noticed me! i study so hard but achieve nothing. what i study is never enough all the praise goes to HIM! when is heart going to be taken as a option of love. friendship broken>? fate? i tried so hard to keep our friendship going now everything gone. each of us one corner. my life i had for you is dying narein. but suffering is what i am going through now because of you. each time i see you all i see is my heart right before my eyes. how am i ever to give up? i love you so much!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant endure it anymore, the only best thing to do is to engulf myself with this burning, achieng, hurts and wounds i will try my best to be away from you. i just want you to stay smiling always. i love you.
you!
love letters
love letter 1
not a thousand words can express what i feel.
your touch, your scent, is all i need to survive.
you are not a luxury. you are an necessity.
love letter 2
my love for you is more than the stars you can count.
your live is what i need to live on, if it as to be over my death, i am willing to surrender my last breath in a wish to live with you as your shadow, in darkness i might have to be. but in my heart you stand as the sun. love i gave. hatred you gave in return. cry i did. smile you did. ignorance you did. in your faintest memory i live. in my various memories you live on, the wound you gave me did not hurt. you stabbed my heart with your killing stare it did not hurt as much either. but the hatred and vengeance you show towards me killed me the instant you rejected me on feb0308 you i will give my word that if your happiness was ever stolen, i will leave my life at your feet and fight it back with all my soul could go on, i will never survive the moment that single drop of tear drips down your cheeks. your eyes as fiery and protective.your smile as a grin or melody. your voice i would recognize even if i was dead. your love i long for till death shall i part. i believe that there is still hope and love and care and concern hidden deep beneath your heart. please give at least a little bit of it to me. please. 24 julio pls ya>? stop it can???????guess what cca finished early today too, its great that the teacher changed but makes no idfference we were intially dumped by our cca just waiting for them to quit on uc cause once you have joined a cca you are there for life we dun quit the cca the cca quits on you. ppl actually could have alerted us of the full u thnggy what idfference does make anyway well life is great for me i don't care if anyone attempts to destroy it why destroy our sister's life cause of us. paavam theriyumma akka, what she do? you were the one who came then you say you got ur reasons well as for today of course i kept seeing narein why waste the chance when you can look at him for one last time for the weekends i missed him lots cause i neva got a chance to see him despite being in the same schookl and jus a level above your heasd well good lucks sharmi for your crush, express your feelings soon before it is tooooooooo late. well as for a special someone yopu know who i am referring sharmi pls, say friend or boy friend soon or else stop hurting my paavam, patta ears........... narein if you accept or dun accept i dun mind i kove you that is all, i admit i saw you behind the school when you were waiting outside the onther tiongue class, cca, canteen, and more more more, u never know someones looking at you cause you dun know i exist neva mind that doesnt matter i love you and nothing can change that! 17 julio why should i hate narein?
i love you narein! The day cca ever finished earliest….Guess what happened confirm its easy! i saw narein. well paavam pillai had still needed to practise for the ndp parade. but then i felt he was staring at me and sharmila when we walked past well mostly sharmila. well then, during recess sharmila felt he was whispering something about her and was kind of shocked at whether it was narein doing what he was doing well, guess how i felt, sad but not jealous cause sharmila is way understanding. i love you for that sharmila. we saw mr roy in the music room. guides was god damn tiring. well we have hardly improved in marching we simply suck at it. unlike narein. i don’t know lar, whether he really likes sharmila or just for fun for teasing but seriously nobody will be this desperate to get revenge and bla bla bla. i love him so much that i can’t keep my eyes off him. i saw him before p.e. i kept staring at him while he was marching and i was sitting in the canteen coming back time lar with sharmila. i guess he should have noticed. i just am upset that he hardly likes me even for one percent am i that hateble? i am just upset how belinda could do this to me?! i trusted her more than narein that i gave her to read my life story and even she commented on it with so much feelings well i threw it away after i finally gave it to my mom to read. she told all that i wrote to saash? how could she it was personal i trusted her like my sister. i just can’t trust anyone i am so innocent people trick me so easily. why? i just love everyone around me and in return they hate me more than their lifes? i really wanted her and narein to be happy and the news got to her the other way round where i actually hated her for liking narein.i was the most upset for both of them than both of them had been. and you narein, never understood me? sharmi told me to forget him but its hard, thinking is so easy forgetting, please i will give you my life rather than doing that. you scolded me well i just hope you did it so that i would hate you, and forget you if you still meant it all, no problem cause this nerd is some stupid girl who will love you despite anything well next monday i havent decided to wear the orange or pink panjabi suit. i managed to pester sharmi to wear a panjabi suit. well, i am going to miss you lots narein. 10 julio My true lovemisery seems like a burden,
so i think about forgetting,
but forgetting seems like dying,
my unrequited love i want to give up,
so i want to give in to a miserable life of a broken heart,
my love is a faint pricking thorn to him,
so i want to stop pricking my loved one,
i don't want him to get hurt by my obsessive love towards him,
i am very possesive no wonder my friend keep teasing me i am always jealous of everything,
jealousy is something which is growing inside me,
so i don't think i want to hurt my friend nor narein,
let me just hide my true feelings and hide my sorrows,
i want to murder my love for the sake of my friend's and mine friendship not to get hurt,
and i just want narein to know i love you,
as long as you understand my feelings for you that is enough,
i got worried just coz i saw you sitting with a mask the other day,
i kept asking "what is wrong with him? is he going to be alright? is he in school? hiyo paavam what is wrong with him? is he alright?"
you can ask my friend how much frustrated she was the whole day listening to my whimpering,
well my friend sharmila wants me to find a better person he is the most ideal partner for me,
my love cant be stopped but temporarily hidden.
my friend thinks i chose not wisely,
but i love him tat is all that matters,
love is blind,
but my love is both one sided and true,
you cant change the fact sharmila,
my love is true love,
my obsessive love started last year.
on the second day of school or third day perhaps when he first asked my friend priya "do you know who is indu?"
well i was right beside her...and he shouted across the canteen,"if any thing tell me!" he was so called suppose to take care of me he is still taking care of me
cause he helped me today itself. he considers me his cousin i consider him more than that i still remember the little little things like staring at his class waiting for him t come out of his class string from the level below outside the class,during lessons,
when go recess awaiting to see him, blush when see him,
during cca while marching secretly looking at him.
when he catches my eyes just feel so happy and joyful,
when he toks to me feel shy, everyday sitting at the bench outside the general office waiting to say hi to him.
i love you still.when will you accept my devotional love. i m irreducibly in love with you. when will you accept????????????
09 julio Talking about 50 Stars that sparkle about sharmila!
Quote 50 Stars that sparkle about sharmila! 06 julio DUN U DARE GET MY GUY!SHARMILA LOVES_____________________________________________! SHE LOVES HIM TRULY AND MADLY! SO DUN ANYWAY DARE TO MESS WITH HER GUY SHE WILL KILL ANYONE WHO DARES TRYING! 23 junio What a wild party!OMG it was a hell lot of a party.ya! i and sharmila went to escape theme park and had a wild party. it was awesome. well we had invited some of our youth buddies kind of like sharmila's sister's friends lor. well we had so much fun. we were equally having a rocking good time. ooooooo.gosip. sharmila was asked for a date with the most touching and romantic poem. it was so romantic. i loved my time there. we were simply exhausted by the time we came back. there was a fathers day mishap. in one of my calenders it stated father's day was last sunday so i wiashed and gave my dad his gifts but unfortunately the tv and nobody said anything about it that is when i realised my father had been enjoying a whole week of fathers day celebration so unfair. well he bought me a web cam. a stereo which can stick on to my cupboard. and well gave me my vary own laptop. i am soon going to get a leather skinned vaio. but unfortunately not any sooner la. too expensive. i want to buy a i phone and well i want to kind of curl my hair at the bottom all my dreams my cousin keeps snatching away from me well sharmila my bast friend is about to get a count down of gifts for her birthday. 9n presents for her 09/09/09 birthday lol! screams holiday ir rocking good. i finally managed to go swimming and well i kind of got sun tanned but come on ya who cares fun is all i care about but i seriously look forward for a extension in our holidays. and i really want to see a certain cousin brother so much. well then i saw someone who i long forgotten like 16times whenever i see that certain someone electricity starts zapping in and out man! but i am sorry i dont want to start a fight with a certain ex friend but he was indeed my firs crush in my teenage life you know but of course i have no feelings for me but still lucky me i get to see him everytime and its so like fate was written for us cause i went to ntuc he was there my parents decid eto grab a dinner at kfc he is there too. but it was so embarassing when i had to sit beside him and eat my dinner. well i suppose no hard feelings but that guy is ash. but i am so sos sos sosorry saash i seriously have no feelings for him he is all yours well i am hopeless cause seriously currently i have no one to love or fall i love with. i love that guy but the guy i dont wish to hurt his feelings or i dont want to harass him i just love myself and my kutti pissasu sharmila. my sweet angel. wish ya all tghe best in lfe sharmila well has a kindness wish you all the best kavitha and saashthinii. hope you get to see ash soon too. but it was totally coincident to me. 11 junio sorry for not keeping ya all postedbut for now everything has changed. i an sharmila are friends and well kavitha and saashthinii are friends. the last few posts were past and this is present.well the situation is quite clear. we stay clear, they stay clear.well no hard feelings. ya, i don't understand what is much of a problem but that is all we broke! there you go explained in simple words. after so many conflicts i don't think our friendship could be strong enough to keep together. well ya, its a short notice informing this blog. well the story goes on and on and on so just keep it this way. the conflicts are gone and we are broke. pls and thank ya. June holidays or boredom holidaysi thought maybe at least this year it would be different.but it is the same old boring spend time alone at home holidays its super boring being at home but i don't wish to go back to school either.but whatever way you have no choice but to go to school rite? well here is how it went for me. for the past two weeks i met my friend in yishun, she had asked to tag along then it was a short meeting i guess about 1hour. well next, i went to her house to do a project then well i chit chatting in the comp that's all. i really want to go swimming and my mom has promised to bring me along with my cousins by this week or next week as if this is the last week i may tend to fall sick and fall back in lasses and homework. as for homework it is damn pressure rising we are only teenager4s. we just finished our mid years how can teachers expect us to work forward for our ca2s? isn't this outrageous. i know its important but we need some stress free holidays somehow but my way of looking at things is work hard now sweat as much as u an on the work done now then relax in the two month break we are going to get in three months time . well i really am looking forward to the longer holidays with just two weeks left i am starting to panic has i haven't done as revision on stuff. its quite a bore at home so just make full use of the time being free at home. whether its boring or not i am going to live the fullest out of this holidays like sleep late wake early chat in comp see TV and go out with frens but still of course got to study as well i know but but free fun time only comes in awhile in life. 10 diciembre kavitha this is a confession made by sharmi pls kindly read it....dear kavitha,
we hav been frowning at each other for like centuries oredi..
i stil dun get it..
ol i said was tat u wun be my bestfriend animore..
u are still a classmate,or rather better than a classmate..
& u see we can stil tok to each other like the way we did..
so i reli hope uue will change ok? :)
so no more frownings from uue and me.. :P frendshipsaashtun u talked behind my back too??????
wat?
u did the same thing u told sharmi did to me
but i admit i toked behind ur back oso
tell me wat i said u asked me behind indus back ''tell me the truth,indu is fatter than me ryte?''
so????? forget all this lets keep it to the letter... as the truth we accepted kavi and have decided to go with her but i think i dun mind toking to sharmi even though
wait,so why shudnt u guys tok to me?wads the problem?
u are toking behind my back and u are toking behind indus back oso...
kk you people its alrite ppl toked behind each other behind each others back the prob is we shld be honest wit each other fine now i m going to maAK SOME CONFESSSIONS
lets communicate!
u ppl remember the scrap bk rite i stopped showing u guys coz in it i had written i hate u sharmi a long time ago not onli because of narein n stuff but i didnt like u controlling over me sometimes n saashtu i asked the same ques u asked to sharmi once in the start of july whether who is fat these prob as to stop toking to each others back n being unfair to each other we should all treat each other equa;lly n fair i hope but for now the letter is the fate i had made some changes to it saash i have added a new letter without ur permission but it will not offend u that much but truthfully i love u both more than myself n my mum whu i tok alot about to u ppl
in my point of view,i tink tat we ol shud jus 4get the problem and start afresh.but its up to u guys,so go on.
but but but we have promises to keep up both of us made it to kavi and we had told u tooo so we can tok n hang around sometimes but jus for now a few weeks or months mjus as i said in the letter let time decide the fates of our lives
09 diciembre my life in december is so hardfirst story to share i went to bangkok recently monday and tuesday were the best we kept like shopping and shoppind and more shopping but came wednesday when we were supposed to return from bangkok when the trouble really began there was a protests in the airport if we went in we cannot come out finally we took a van then travelled 14hours and arrived in hachhai! there ppl can neva be trusted everyone faked us and were frauds finally we trook a bus to kl 12hors or more i guess then arrived in kl finally took another bus and arrived in singapore the next day friday! 2dAYS OF TRAVELLING MADE ME die man! then finally we came back home on tuesday was a camp that was even rptten we swam thru puddles of mud and stood in the middle of the sea on a kayak carried the kayak which made me lose my hand the next day walked for 3 non-stop hours and then finally we came back home wit insect bites all over me i had a swollen leg which is still what i have then i went jb recently i dicovered 4 of my cousins who are my aunty's sons then finally i and sharmila my so called best frend had a huge fight it was so rough this time she has been ntalking behind my back all this while then finally i have my crush narein's 5yr old phot i m so happy for that then that is all for now i guess i have bought my sch books havent staryted stdyin my only hope now is kavitha n saashtu who i hope who will suppot me n take gd care of me! i ams o tired and now in weeks time school is going to start which seriously iritates me so much n so does pe the most important thing i hate and fear to have tmr is the day i am going to give a letter to sharmi which contains all my true feelings i have for hern finally tmr is the day i will complete all my last minute homework i hope! finally bye and hi to my new elder sisters saashtu and kavi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  02 septiembre september holidays r herebut for secondary school students it isnt for fun but studying for sa2 and also doing the whole lot of homework given by blood sucking teaCHERS BUT even so the teacher's day celebration was great in this new school but it os never like our primary school celebrations even so i had fun after the teacher's day celebration i wntto northpoint with my frend only to find out that they were renovating it then we decidd to go woodlands than we took a nitemare bus called 856 than it went round n round th place like hell i hate this bus forever then after one hour we reacher our destination then we bought chains then that is all there is i guesswe came back home n we have started our september hlidays n now we r njoying it ok then god bye to all out there happy teachers day n also have a great september holidays ppreparewll for yur sa2 exams!!!!!!!!!! 25 agosto today life suxhi i like tis guy named narein but he doesnt like me i dun even noe who is in his heart i m so sad i like another guy named sarjeev but he doesnt even propose to me why god why sharmi has her boyfrend from sec3 thpan but saash i seriously betraying her. life is so diffrent tat it just leads to different paths saash i simply dun noe wat to say i dun like her and her attitude it is getting rotten owadays n tomrrow got p.e. i dun feel like running i hate p.e but i hav no choice i hate life lif sux!!!!!!!!1   30 julio please understand me kavikavi is sharmi's best frend since p 1 but sharmi never thought her tat way so in ts week we told kavi trice already we du wanna hang out wit her but she not listening so end up sharmila pity her n we talked yesterday then now she asking whether she can folow us n telling sharmila to b her best frend only so isnt tat selfish i n saashthinii go ask her why is she so selfish n told her she can only. b our classmate n not our frend then for tat she pleaded us to give a chance but since january we gave 30 chances already if i give another one more i will die out of misery so today we didn't give her a chance then she go frownng at us n didnt talk to me in the bus sia n if she has such an attitude problem how can we forgive her. so please try to understand the sitution kavitha. u making yourself look bad in front of us n also making us look bad in front of others u must just give n n leave us to our own wish. se should be more nicer but being too close isnt nice either we wanna our own space in our lives being a frend doesnt mean uj have to b d best frend as long as u care for d frend it is enough. u must accept ur frend's wishes n just give in to her.i hope my classmate understands n gives in!!!!!!!!!21 julio i broke a girl's hearti m so cruel how could i have done that she is mt friend but just because y frend insisted on me to hate her i couldnt have been so bad oh my god i m sorry kavi i didn't mean it but sharmi doesnt like u honestly that is wat we wanted to tell u pls dun b mad at me i didnt mean it sincere;y 14 julio new school sn't much like i thoughti thought there will be lke skeletons hanging around and vampire teachers fraining our heads to study 24hours but nope its just that everyone neeeds their own space and time to make frendz and so did i three good frendz sharmi, kavi and sharmi i never had seen them b4 in my life maybe in my dreams as they are absolutely angels but dun judge a book by its covwr thay r totaly exciting n pls trust me on tis not innocent i repeat not innocent. even though i m a little innocent and angelic i like hanging around wit them i really like to make frendz and jus be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lay loose as i m chilish ever childish!!!!!!!!!!!  15 abril this is about ei am just an ordinary girl but if i go to school i turn into a cursing machine as i hate to run. i am a quite impattient girl. Girls are suppose to be patient but i am the opposite you knw really hate to be girlish. Wat is the point being girlish when you are not pretty and beautiful. i am a outspoke type. i talk alot but am quite gentle at times soft hearted even though look like rough and tough. but in the insde i am totally weak. |
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